tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34464142011-09-05T09:04:37.766-05:00lightkeeper under the blanketjust my thoughts and random experiences.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.comBlogger2031100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-58016577351845173382007-05-20T21:54:00.000-05:002007-05-20T22:00:41.022-05:00long time, no post.i have been through a couple jobs since i last posted.tears, joy, everything.now i am at an all-vegetarian place and that is so much better for me. the people are much nicer and i'm not under the microscope anymore.my relationship is falling apart and it's not my fault (for once). M just doesn't give a shit about me, apparently.there is another boy who loves me and wants to bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1169934788919514692007-01-27T15:35:00.000-06:002007-01-27T15:53:08.933-06:00i'm sorry i haven't posted in so very long.updates:my job is still wonderful, but now fraught with all kinds of drama and in-fighting. i think the roots of the problems are that we expanded the business too fast and have a lot of employees working together in a small space. add into that our propensity for gossip and, forgive me, the white person's tendency towards passive-aggressiveness. we bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1156476084082309172006-08-24T22:18:00.000-05:002006-08-24T22:21:24.096-05:00mark twain said he could live a month on a good compliment. i think that's true. today i got the raise i had been planning to ask for. i know my boss is tight, and i know i must have had two lovely ladies batting for me to just get it like that. they went out on their own to ask him on my behalf. wow. so after i got the good news, a while later one of them, my supervisor, walked by me and bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1153418359375347652006-07-20T12:40:00.000-05:002006-07-20T12:59:19.430-05:00tell you more, you clamor!work is good. i really enjoy most of what i have to do, so the days kind of fly by. i do a little bit of everything, which is just how i like it. i prep recipes for classes (portioning out the ingredients each team of students will need), i cook for catering events like b-day parties and weddings, i clean/organize the kitchen and storage, and i assist the chefs when bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1150746262477154482006-06-19T14:26:00.000-05:002006-06-19T14:44:22.530-05:00i just got a job! i will be an assistant at a cooking school (how perfect is that?). it's kind of a long commute, but i think i'll look forward to having some quiet time to read a book or listen to my music, which i don't like to do while walking for safety reasons. i knew the interview went well but it took them 2 weeks to call so i was starting to lose hope.i just went back to iowa for a fewbipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1149352272385038322006-06-03T11:28:00.000-05:002006-06-03T11:31:12.396-05:00"sexy baby and bad erection?"now THERE is a subject line that would almost make me open a spam email. of course, it's probably because when i read it i thought of "sexy babay" and jen and jess saying it and making me laugh. also of the time when everyone at a party i was at stopped talking suddenly and i was still talking really loudly and everyone heard me say, "don't have sex with dead babiesbipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1147478215920198852006-05-12T18:56:00.000-05:002006-05-12T18:56:55.930-05:00i have tickets to columbus. i have rented a car. i have not done anything else to prepare.i am selling baked goods at the theatre where i work. hope i make some quick cash off them...bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1146776480481188602006-05-04T15:48:00.000-05:002006-05-04T16:01:20.560-05:00on monday, i inadvertently became part of the gigantic mass of people demonstrating in downtown chicago for immigrant rights. see, the el stop i needed to use was closed...and the alternative entrance was across the street where the march was taking place. i can't describe how it felt--i mean other than the fact that i felt like a jerk for basically budging my way *across* a parade, of all bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1145557193409315222006-04-20T13:18:00.000-05:002006-04-20T13:19:53.420-05:00wow, sorry about the long-time-no-post. gotta make this quick, too.i just read all of the messages you guys have been posting. yay! i just registered last night right after reading all of them. i will be bringing mike, and i requested to be housed near y'all too. yay yay yay yay yay.in other news, fighting sucks and i hate it and i am pissed off today.bleh.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1144625221752838532006-04-09T18:25:00.000-05:002006-04-09T18:27:01.766-05:00okay, fans, enough!i will be at the reunion. i don't know how i will get there yet, though. i plan to stay in the dorms, too. yay!but now i can't decide whether to bring the boyfriend or not. hmmm.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1142447397576877342006-03-15T12:20:00.000-06:002006-03-15T12:29:57.626-06:00yay, finally sold something on amazon. found a nice little uptick in my checking account this morning, and now i'm off to the post office to mail the videos.---i go to school, i write examsif i pass, if i fail, if i drop outdoes anyone give a damn?and if they do, they'll soon forget'cause it won't take much for meto show my life ain't over yeti didn't get into the PhD program. i found out just bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1141176742935947542006-02-28T19:27:00.000-06:002006-02-28T19:36:59.460-06:00bad things about today:* mike and i got into a fight on the phone while i was at work and i was afraid a customer would come in and see me crying* my first psych experiment (relax, they're fun and harmless) was cancelled so i only made $10 doing that today* i just broke one of my dinner platesgood things about today:* i found ten dollars in a parking lot plus i made $10 off another experiment, bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1140306422039918212006-02-18T17:41:00.000-06:002006-02-18T17:47:02.053-06:00the job interview went really, really well. but i didn't get it. it's okay because it would have conflicted with my last month of classes...not what i want if i'm going to graduate in june!!!last night i had the very distinct pleasure of seeing my old friend ken on stage. he pretty much rocked. i loved hearing completely strangers laugh at his jokes and cheer him on. plus he opened for bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1139858128213501532006-02-13T13:10:00.000-06:002006-02-13T13:22:51.893-06:00kick-ass things about today:* i have a job interview at 3 pm!* it's a phone interview so i don't even have to shower or put on real clothes.* i am listening to TMBG for the first time in.....forever.* i feel really happy for the first time in a few weeks. i am dancing in my apt. and drinking coffee.* my boyfriend has, like, 8 different jobs today. god, we need the $$$....* i JUST got a bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1137970113739280942006-01-22T16:48:00.000-06:002006-01-22T16:48:33.833-06:00okay, okay! i'm a slacker.christmas was great. everyone likes my guy, and it was only marginally weird and stressful for him to meet so many people.i am in the midst of applying for the phd program. classes are good. jobs are good. i saw a kenyon-friend at the theatre last night, which was a surprise.our tv is broken so i have just been reading and doing crossword puzzles. i'm still behind bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1135118323879152682005-12-20T16:37:00.000-06:002005-12-20T16:38:43.890-06:00i just got a spam email with the subject line "witness all of them pies stuffed with smoking sausages."in other news: bob loblaw's law blog! ha!in other, other news: going home tomorrow.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1134249554530309172005-12-10T15:17:00.000-06:002005-12-10T15:19:14.540-06:00obligatory updates:school: is going okay although my wheels have fallen off at the end of term as usual. i need to write a paper in the next week and two over break, so i'm not overloaded with work either.work: now i have two jobs. it's kinda fun. i work at the box office at a theatre now in addition to my old job in a shop.other: hopefully taking the boyfriend home over winter break. money bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1131032360243390802005-11-03T09:37:00.000-06:002005-11-03T09:43:52.246-06:00jed rot, that test you took looked interesting. here's my result: The Wild RoseRandom Brutal Love Dreamer (RBLDf) Colorful, but unpicked. You are The Wild Rose. Prone to bouts of cynicism, sarcasm, and thorns, you excite a certain kind of man. Hoping to gather you up, he flirts and winks and asks you out, ultimately professing his love. Then you make him bleed. bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1130036905400808292005-10-22T22:06:00.000-05:002005-10-22T22:08:25.406-05:00in recent muzak news: i heard "yeh yeh" as i was leaving the supermarket. as muzak. is this an old song? i don't even know.i gave a presentation on friday. i think it went okay.i have a very nice boyfriend. yay.um, it is saturday and i think i am going to go to bed soon.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1128046248793435912005-09-29T20:59:00.000-05:002005-09-30T08:49:31.886-05:00home was just dandy. i saw the old people and the young people and the people in between. (i did not see J because i wasn't ready for the family of alcoholics just yet. and he still owes me $$$.) we completely succeeded in surprising my dad, which was the goal of my trip home. for his birthday dinner i made cucumber soup, filet mignon wrapped in bacon with a pinot noir and mushroom sauce, bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1126541375938917852005-09-12T11:04:00.000-05:002005-09-12T11:09:35.946-05:00i have mononucleosis.and i'm going home for a week.this probably won't be as much fun as it could have been.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1126106601399141282005-09-07T10:06:00.000-05:002005-09-07T10:23:21.456-05:00monday morning's labor day/birthday/housewarming brunch was great. i arrived at 11 am and left around 5 pm....never did i think it would be an all-day affair. but it was really fun to see kids from school again. i think everyone is just biding their time until classes start (end of september for us). so there was lots of chatting and many bloody marys and other morning-type alcoholic bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1125885870855750312005-09-04T21:00:00.000-05:002005-09-04T21:04:30.876-05:00i am alone for the first time in about three days. i hardly ever feel lonely, but i do right now, at this moment. i am all moved in to my new place, but i am not all unpacked. maybe i should just watch TV and go to bed early. i have a brunch to go to in the morning so it's not like i don't have anything planned. i could unpack but i feel like that would make me lonelier.this afternoon i wentbipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1124985281276401012005-08-25T10:33:00.000-05:002005-08-25T10:54:41.316-05:00i am moving tomorrow. nervous that i'm not ready enough. confused because i'll still be in this apartment for a week to sleep, but how much else should i do here? should i take all of my pots and pans and utensils? the TV? i actually hired movers, but i can walk some stuff over....and ask the sexy cabdriver to pick me up with any heavy stuff. did i talk about him? saw him again a couple bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1124075526703755982005-08-14T22:10:00.000-05:002005-08-14T22:12:06.713-05:00i have decided that my favorite manufacturer of at-home health products is HoMedics. what a name.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1124057414449139682005-08-14T17:08:00.000-05:002005-08-14T17:11:33.223-05:00sorry about the hiatus.patoot: i am moving in a few weeks but i will give you my new address as soon as i know it.all is chaos at the moment, gotta be out of the apt and gotta get ready for school and before that frank's visit! ack!more details as they become available.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1123011121082895452005-08-02T14:23:00.000-05:002005-08-02T14:32:01.090-05:00my birthday weekend was very satisfying. T&T stayed the weekend, so i had lots of laughs, lots of good food, lots of walking and talking. i got to show off the neighborhood, which i love doing. i think that we should hit the museum of science and industry and jackson park when you guys come again!my party was pretty cool--kind of laid-back. i felt like i had to keep moving, talking to bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1122535908039481772005-07-28T02:19:00.000-05:002005-07-28T02:31:48.046-05:00can't sleep.i am excited about my birthday, SUPER excited about seeing old friends again, excited about different friends meeting each other.too bad--perfect sleeping temperatures tonight. mmmm, 68, how i love you.so i have this little list of things to say on my blog and now two weeks later some of them don't make sense."jon stewart said 'snuffy smith!!!'" reads one. i guess my favorite sexy bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1121220998432094392005-07-12T21:10:00.000-05:002005-07-12T21:16:38.460-05:00the new MD on "celebrity fit club" looks kinda like barack obama. take that, cable-less nemesis! ;)i am so pleased because i finally thought of something original to make myself for supper: BBQ tofu, cheddar, and fresh spinach in a WW tortilla. yum. love barbec/que.so, my german class met today. i am not the only one who admitted that the practice exams for today were "brutal" and that "i bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1121186364332714932005-07-12T11:27:00.000-05:002005-07-12T11:43:15.606-05:00entertaining weekend. i went to clint's birthday dinner at the kit kat club. it's a place with astonishingly good drinks and mediocre food and a drag show every half-hour. i had a lemon meringue pie martini. it came with a froth on top that stayed intact throughout prolonged sipping, thus definitely conveying the "meringue" theme, while the "pie" theme was reinforced by the bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1120782384354727932005-07-07T19:16:00.000-05:002005-07-07T19:26:24.380-05:00the fourth of july was very fun, very relaxed, very very good. i went to the BBQ being held at the house of two of my friends from school and a friend of theirs. i saw a lot of people from school, which i hadn't in a while, and i met some new people too. after about three hours of nibbling and drinking, i went to nate's apartment. we ate some more and drank some more, and then we ran over to bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1120493191029836782005-07-04T10:55:00.000-05:002005-07-04T11:06:31.036-05:00"four minutes to go time! every year, on time! let's go! i'm looking for the pipers...."yes, there is a parade forming in the parking lot below my windows. so i'm up here jamming out to the band and watching the kids with decorated bikes and the girls in the drill team and people with banners advertising their shops. it's a good kickoff to the holiday. i've got two BBQs to go to today. yaybipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1120234806554542872005-07-01T11:10:00.000-05:002005-07-01T11:22:06.176-05:00i realize now that i devoted an entry to the speaker of the turkish parliament, and i never said a word about the king of jordan! well, i was on my way to grab a little lunch and was thinking about checking emails at work, and when i got to the building....well, i didn't get to the building. in fact, i was not allowed to cross the street to the side where the building is. a policeman told me bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1119498634970784902005-06-22T22:46:00.000-05:002005-06-22T22:50:34.980-05:00the guy who's staying with the girl who's staying with the people across the hall from me is a chef. he claims he once cooked with masaharu morimoto and can get me alton brown's cell phone number.if i were some kind of initiate going through a trial, that last thing would be the ultimate temptation.but this guy etc. etc. says alton's wife is hot. hmmm.anyway, not much else. doing german, bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1119410747230802572005-06-21T22:23:00.000-05:002005-06-21T22:25:47.236-05:00i have just had a most amazing discovery:if i ever met dwight yoakam, i think i would have the best damn time ever.i am watching him on the daily show right NOW and he thinks tangentially like me, knows a hundred useless facts like me, and can't have a linear conversation for his life like me.i want to be his friend. is that weird?bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1118974353882307132005-06-16T21:08:00.000-05:002005-06-16T21:12:33.886-05:00so, today i was supposed to go in at 1 o'clock for my paid training. thank god i got the email before i went in or i would have felt even more like an ass....the guy who hired me said he hired a few people *a month ago* and they just gave him their hours. well, every time i spoke to him he made it sound like i was the only person interested, and that they would need ALL the humanpower they bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1118085603915029092005-06-06T14:16:00.000-05:002005-06-06T14:20:03.923-05:00in sunday's tribune: an article about my boss, an article about a shop down the street from me, and snippets about the local art center and a research project at my workplace. neat! they weren't even all in the same section of the paper.struggling to motivate self to do work before end of term on friday.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1117248280485576942005-05-27T21:39:00.000-05:002005-05-27T21:46:31.943-05:00today when i got to work the turkish consulate and the speaker of the turkish parliament were taking a tour. there were secret service guys all over the place. it was really really funny. the boy who sits at the info desk and i were laughing about it.i am doing the most ludicrous things to distract myself from the thought of finals. i am having a really hard time coming up with a topic for bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1116570013089044052005-05-20T01:06:00.000-05:002005-05-20T01:20:13.096-05:00noah wyle as steve jobs = hot.i dare you all to google "sneeze fetish." do it now.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1115866864587409002005-05-11T21:57:00.000-05:002005-05-11T22:01:04.593-05:00so i've been smelling this...szechwan smell...in my kitchen for a few days. just five minutes ago i found out it was the stuff i strained out of my szechwan broth. at room temperature for a week. thank god i don't eat meat, or that smell would have been even more evil.i have a crush, a schoolgirl crush, a blushing, sick-to-my-stomach crush. i am SOOOO susceptible. ack. i stammer in shyness.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1114917574698133322005-04-30T22:02:00.000-05:002005-04-30T22:24:41.296-05:00i know i haven't posted in a while. what to say?norway was wonderful. frank is...well, frank. it's not a pun since it's not his real name. that is to say, he is explicit, not sexually (yes, that too) but in the way he articulates his feelings. unlike me, he has no problem whatsoever saying exactly what he is feeling and why. it's lovely. we sat by the water, ate lovely meals, drank beer bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1113450237697134742005-04-13T22:40:00.000-05:002005-04-13T22:43:57.696-05:00i fell down over a week ago and got seven stitches put in my knee. they're out now and it is UG-ly but i am feeling mucho better.um....i am going to norway on monday. with frank.my parents are going to stay with me again this weekend. i need to be very disciplined with all this going on in my life. too bad i don't have enough damn work to do (for real, not being sarcastic). because, as you bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1111957612895089792005-03-27T14:59:00.000-06:002005-03-27T15:06:52.896-06:00my mom has been staying with me for the last three days. i can honestly say that i had a really good time. i felt like a grown-up daughter relating to her mother. little things didn't bother me as much. i didn't always think of myself first. i made an effort to really communicate, and it paid off. we had fun. yay! i hope it did her good--she has a job interview coming up and we were sort bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1111727433110060822005-03-24T23:03:00.000-06:002005-03-24T23:10:33.113-06:00not only is finals week over, spring break is almost over....my mom is sleeping in my bed and i'm in the living room.last night i went out to dinner with a....gentleman. and i do not use that term lightly. ;) i had a thoroughly enjoyable evening. i was nervous because i didn't know if it was a date or not, but i don't think it really matters. he's a wonderful dinner/conversation companion. bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1110760651016706752005-03-13T18:34:00.000-06:002005-03-13T18:37:31.016-06:00i am having the most incredible email exchange with an 84-year-old man. he's a student of hebrew and egyptian and he's pretty damn funny, too. seriously, i just laughed out loud, really hard, when i read his latest email. "who is this irishman o rigen?" ha!i have a neighborhood bar again. i think this is a good thing for me socially and probably a bad thing financially and physically...but bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1110170794293346362005-03-06T22:38:00.000-06:002005-03-06T22:46:34.296-06:00dear diary,today i saw a woman with a rat-tail. kind of like new kids on the block, but a little more...feminine. okay, maybe it was a femullet. yeah. it was what it was. the "business" was all spiked up and in front of her face, and the "party" was this long, flowing...curly...tail.tonight i am listening to some mp3s one of my TAs put up relating to his dissertation. he's giving the bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1109714629769588332005-03-01T15:58:00.000-06:002005-03-01T16:03:49.770-06:00how am i STILL sick? or, more accurately, how am i sick again? this is different. last week i had a cold. garden-variety cold. this is more like an enormous aching fuzzy head coupled with a swollen aching throat. no coughing or sneezing. but my neck is stiff, so i hope i don't have meningitis. :)i guess before anyone feels too sorry for me i should point out that i went home with bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1109524109661839882005-02-27T10:53:00.000-06:002005-02-27T11:08:29.663-06:00friday i went to a blues club with kids from school. met up with nate and a boy i met last october, someone i'd texted with a few times since then....the kind of thing where you keep someone in the back of your mind in case circumstances are ever different, you know? circumstances are different now. :) so we really hit it off, although i don't know if it will lead anywhere.i guess i broke up bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1108991665851836312005-02-21T07:07:00.000-06:002005-02-21T07:14:25.853-06:00today at three o'clock i am going to get up in front of 40 people and talk about a book i haven't read yet. this is kind of a nightmare. i think i can pull it off, though...i have six hours between hebrew and my other class to read it.just so you know how i've put myself into this situation...last week i was too busy with hebrew and new testament reading. friday i was lazy and took a nap. bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1107853126925796192005-02-08T02:56:00.000-06:002005-02-08T02:58:46.926-06:00even though i am giving twice as much effort as i ever did as an undergrad, i still don't deserve the good grades i am getting.....don't tell me they're inflating shit here too.....bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1107633366426071422005-02-05T13:19:00.000-06:002005-02-05T13:56:06.426-06:00last night was the annual dinner for my program. so. much. fun. upon arriving, everyone got a label stuck on his or her back by the dean of students. the label had the name of a famous person, mostly in religious studies, historical or fictional. then other people would answer yes-or-no questions as to who was on your back. apparently the dean tried to pick someone out of the sphere of bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1106616251076770482005-01-24T19:23:00.000-06:002005-01-24T19:24:11.076-06:00can i just say that hal sparks is really hot?bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1106443142351013892005-01-22T19:02:00.000-06:002005-01-22T19:19:02.350-06:00i am obsessed with "project runway." obsessed, i tell you. that and "24" are my new TV treats.
i am re-reading _smilla's sense of snow_, which originally K lent me to read a couple years ago. the paperback and hardcover editions have different titles, and i also noticed a preponderance of UK folk reviewing the paperback version, which i originally read. it's probably the same translator, bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1106012343707279182005-01-17T19:35:00.000-06:002005-01-17T19:39:03.706-06:00why did clint eastwood make a film based on an alice cooper song? billion dollar babies? huh?
okay, sorry. anyway. isn't it sad that the thing that finally makes me post is to say how much i love the piped-in music at the local shopping center? no, they didn't play alice cooper, but they did play donovan's "mellow yellow" in walgreen's and a muzak version of "that thing you do!" in the bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1104802906091697512005-01-03T19:37:00.000-06:002005-01-03T19:41:46.090-06:00i know i haven't posted in over a month. sorry. finals, vacation, it all got to be overwhelming.
two things for right now; about all i can manage:
i got better grades for last term than i ever expected. it's a good, good feeling to know that two years out of school didn't make me dumb.
three awesome business names i saw on vacation: wan boy butchers, reality supermarket, and shekhinah bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1101595679029848152004-11-27T16:43:00.000-06:002004-11-27T16:51:25.636-06:00a fantastic week at home. spent a lot of time with J. talked to random wrong number boy....three times. the family thanksgivings (two, one for each side of the family) went well. J and i had a real date--dinner and the works. it was really really fun. i accidentally wound up in the unofficial high-school reunion night at the local bar. i confronted my fears! i had fun! people who were bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1100748070518495692004-11-17T20:58:00.000-06:002004-11-17T21:21:10.516-06:00the craziest thing just happened. i didn't look at caller ID when the phone rang, and when i answered, a male voice asked for "the beck." so....i didn't really know who it was, but i kind of talked to him for a little while before we figured out we didn't know each other. and then we talked about all kinds of things, and he has lived in the UK and we're both from farms in the midwest, and thenbipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1099898032255398452004-11-08T01:08:00.000-06:002004-11-08T02:04:01.273-06:00went to bed two hours ago. typically, can't get to sleep.
things that are awesome:
* seeing a shrink for free at student health. he is fantastic. wow. i have waited a long time for this kind of professional relationship.
* friend from iowa here last weekend, friends from PA here next weekend. and nate's b-day! kick-ass, so much celebrating to be done. must catch up with work before thatbipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1098579499991717782004-10-23T19:50:00.000-05:002004-10-23T19:58:19.990-05:00last week i had a surprise phone call from uri and an expected phone call from madame_x. both made my week even that much more awesome. also good: i got a letter from J today.
i often feel bad about my elitism. i have a boyfriend who writes like a high-schooler. and how should i feel when i notice spelling errors, or shitty handwriting? i don't know. the sentiment, however, is never bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1097977897123272672004-10-16T20:43:00.000-05:002004-10-16T21:20:48.963-05:00funny thing: i have a page from last sunday's comics and i still can't decide which to cut out: the "get fuzzy" referencing noah's ark or (on the opposite side) the classic "peanuts" discussing the tone of the prophet isaiah. now really, how often are there two hebrew bible references in the sunday comics??? of course, the peanuts strip also has charlie brown falling for lucy's football trick bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1097383615317103692004-10-09T23:36:00.000-05:002004-10-09T23:46:55.316-05:00so much to say, so little motivation to post. i think i'll skim the highlights and lowlights of the past couple weeks.
the bad, briefly:
*it seems that i have somehow alienated myself from a couple of friends. i don't know how or why.
*i am probably spending too much money lately--must try to get up earlier so i can pack a lunch instead of blowing 8 bucks a day on thai, no matter how yummy.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1096038205399866402004-09-24T09:48:00.000-05:002004-09-24T10:10:15.830-05:00orientation week for graduate school is so different from orientation week for college. college freshmen travel everywhere in herds. we grad students are all on our own and confident enough so that's not a problem. college freshmen are too young to drink so they have to wait for upperclassmen to show up and bring them alcohol. the school-sponsored orientation week events here have a rather bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1095522062672391162004-09-18T10:31:00.000-05:002004-09-18T10:41:02.673-05:00i guess i'm as much of a fuckup here as i am anywhere.
i don't know why i sometimes go off the deep end and push boundaries and take risks. i don't know why i do it but i wish i didn't, and i wish people didn't think it was representative of me.
i feel really homesick today. and very, very lonely. i could have gone clubbing last night with nate but i didn't want to spend the time and money bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1095273296796838372004-09-15T13:28:00.000-05:002004-09-15T13:34:56.796-05:00i am in chicago. i really like my apartment and my neighborhood. there are all kinds of interesting places to eat and shop and walk. i've been out with dave and jen a couple times, and last night nate came over and we had a fantastic time. hope to see clint soon, and all the rest. and i can't wait to start exploring! for the past few days, though, i've just been settling in. keeping quiet.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1092191927932352762004-08-10T21:20:00.000-05:002004-08-10T21:38:47.933-05:00it's been a while since i read a book that really fed my soul. i used to give myself so much time when i was at kenyon, reading positive things and meditating three times a week at one point...long walks and talks with my friends who are real friends, soulmate type friends. god, i miss kenyon so much sometimes. lately i am either at work or sleeping or getting intoxicated in some form. i've bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1091389879193355602004-08-01T14:37:00.000-05:002004-08-01T14:51:19.193-05:00my birthday:
woke up, had coffee and opened presents. (digital camera--the first working camera i've owned in nearly three years--and some kitchen gadgets. i will have a kitchen to envy this fall.) ate coffeecake and drank more coffee.
went to the local gardens. they've nearly quadrupled since i used to take my campers there for hour-long jaunts. my parents and i spent three hours there bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1090639475423876222004-07-23T22:18:00.000-05:002004-07-23T22:39:48.013-05:00i am So confident. there's this lady who owns a restaurant in a nearby town. my mom has been eating her food since the eighties, and mom and i have been eating at her place occasionally for about ten years. she moved from a side street to MainStreet, and now she's being discovered by people. so her business has tripled while her seats have only doubled, and she needs a whole lot of help. so bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1090382326684292242004-07-20T22:48:00.000-05:002004-07-20T22:58:46.683-05:00lately i really like driving around and looking at people out enjoying life. i like to drive down sixth street, with cute boys at the skate park just across the street from a beautiful park with people grilling and playing frisbee. i like seeing people outside painting a new sign for their shop, or walking their dogs, or hanging out of their car windows at a stoplight to flirt. signs of life.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1089149453517449912004-07-06T16:25:00.000-05:002004-07-06T16:30:53.516-05:00i think that right now i'm in a chrysallis. a dormant stage. i really shouldn't be doing too much but getting ready for the fall. i don't have energy for much else, i think. i suppose this fall i'm just going to explode all over the place. i hope i am. i miss being more active in my life...
so, i kissed boy-from-work. i think that's probably the end of that, though. a one-time deal, bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1088061881411114642004-06-24T02:18:00.000-05:002004-06-24T02:24:41.413-05:00work. good mood, having fun. criticism from some 21-yr-old. i cry, sulk, finish out the day. chinese food with my parents and friends. good time. drive, cruise, see a boy from last summer. get to where i'm going. good time. sitting on a car listening to bob marley. plastic cup costs 15 cents. meet girls in the park. one of them lost her baby, so she's drinking. move on to our bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1087833627925206602004-06-21T10:54:00.000-05:002004-06-21T11:00:27.926-05:00yesterday i was weepy at work, so erin came back to pick me up when my shift was over to do a little gravel travel, you know, to cheer me up. that was really, really nice. it inspired me to go for a little hike on my way home--i just pulled into a state park, got out of my car, hiked up a hill and back down, and then slowly cruised around the park enjoying nature. i saw a herd of 12 deer bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1087096208239538912004-06-12T21:56:00.000-05:002004-06-21T10:52:44.493-05:00two nights ago a friend from work called, stuck in my tiny hometown, drunk, and her asshole boyfriend had taken her car keys and also had slammed the car into park while she was driving. i went over there, dealt with her boyfriend, and took her home to sleep on my couch. my parents were not thrilled with this, but...i felt like i was really doing something. sometimes lately i have been so gladbipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1086239756040289572004-06-03T00:09:00.000-05:002004-06-03T00:15:56.040-05:00the boy from work called last night at ten to see if i was in town. er. and then he made some odd joke about me staying over there and he wouldn't touch me and it would be like brother and sister. anyway. i think i might avoid this situation more now. or maybe less, and then much more. tee hee.
frank has been out of town for two weeks now on business. i really miss talking to him. i feelbipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1085889928130396872004-05-29T22:51:00.000-05:002004-05-29T23:05:28.130-05:00this is my first weekend off in what seems like a while.
friday i unloaded the truck (yay muscles) and did my random meditative detail cleaning that i sometimes do at work. you know, like unscrew the wall vents, degrease them, and run them through the dishwasher before replacing them. or like wiping down the herb/spice bottles. or sitting in the corner with a toothbrush and some bleach water.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1084765431731161872004-05-16T22:34:00.000-05:002004-05-16T22:43:51.730-05:00a relaxing weekend, or an exhausting one, or both.
friday i got up, made breakfast, walked three miles, went to work, and cooked for eight hours. then i rode around with a bunch of random people for an hour, then i went to the big city with matt, clint, and allen. to a german beer hall. where they serve liters and half-liters. it was fun. everyone was in a great mood, and we played lots of bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-108388588565008232004-05-06T18:24:00.000-05:002004-05-06T18:27:58.983-05:00yes, that's me, tootling down the road with my completely valid driver's license and my car, which no longer requires me to blow into a tube every ten minutes. kick ass.
of course now i need a new headlight, which prohibits me from driving at night until i get it fixed. hopefully tomorrow while i'm at work.
saturday night i grilled with clint, matty, and allen. that was really nice. very bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1083124370278995632004-04-27T22:52:00.000-05:002004-04-27T22:55:54.420-05:00liking my job better.
still phoning with frank. he is wonderful. yet far too honest. how do i deal with not being the center of everyone's life?
it's called the "king baby" syndrome, or so i've heard--this ridiculous combination of beliefs i hold. i can somehow simultaneously believe that i am the most worthless person on earth and that i am the most important person on earth. that's why ibipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1082419859274063752004-04-19T19:10:00.000-05:002004-04-19T19:17:23.466-05:00my new job. i am cooking at a nursing home. again.
well, it's a step up for two reasons, because it's not really a nursing home. it's an assisted living facility, so the residents are in better health, and i don't have to puree hot dogs at this place. also, there are only 60 people to serve instead of 200, so it's a lot less grueling in physical and mental terms. i only ever have three orbipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1081973835948357092004-04-14T15:17:00.000-05:002004-04-14T15:20:07.200-05:00the manager at my local panera looks just like phil mitchell.
met a bunch of new people today so i feel really tired. i'm thinking about going to a lecture tonight but i half don't have the energy for another trip to town. why do i live so far from civilization?
last weekend i was, and actually still am to a lesser extent, feeling really down. this thing with K is eating away at me. i bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1081556781274833252004-04-09T19:26:00.000-05:002004-04-09T19:29:07.560-05:00for the first time since my sophomore year of college i'm not observing passover. i haven't been to a seder for three years now, and maybe the loneliness or the isolation gets to me, or maybe i'm just feeling totally removed from religious life at the moment. i also didn't go to church last night, or tonight, although my parents are there. i agreed to go to vigil tonight with my mom--just the bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1080593050180944522004-03-29T14:44:00.000-06:002004-03-29T14:48:53.186-06:00paris.
ah, paris. i arrived on sunday around noon. somehow managed to lose one of my bags, although it was gate-checked. went through the usual paperwork and got a taxi to the hotel, which was located on an obscure street in the 6th arrondissement. surveyed the room--not bad!!--and went downstairs to enquire as to where one could buy underwear, shoes, trousers, etc. on a sunday afternoon. bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1079723806666759252004-03-19T13:16:00.000-06:002004-03-19T13:19:11.843-06:00oh, good lord, am i excited. i leave tomorrow. i wish i were staying for longer, but this will be the perfect break.
plus, yesterday i got to talk to sylvia on the phone for the first time in a couple years, which was great.
yay yay yay.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1079392256818707932004-03-15T17:10:00.000-06:002004-03-15T17:13:18.233-06:00i said yes. i am going to paris, to meet frank, and we are going to spend four days together. eating, drinking, looking at art, and...well....i know what he wants to spend most of his time doing. and i'm not having it. but it will be so amazing to have a warm body beside me for the first time in a year. i could cry just thinking about it, the comfort of it.
you are asking yourself right nowbipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1079165377191648882004-03-13T02:09:00.000-06:002004-03-13T02:11:56.013-06:00i'm glad i divested myself emotionally from K several weeks ago, or i would be in hell right now.
he lied. and lied. and lied. and i never questioned a thing. i have no spine.
when am i going to actually invest in myself? in my own life?
frank asked me to go to paris with him. i just might do that.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1078422106003281232004-03-04T11:41:00.000-06:002004-03-04T11:43:55.780-06:00hmmm. wednesday tested the limits of "recovery" by hanging out with angel for the first time since october. what i learned: why am i friends with her? even her new roommate, someone i think of as a white trash lesbian fairy godmother of sorts, pointed out to me that this is a serious ill-match. well. am i feeling an uncomfortable class difference or is there a serious clash in personality? bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1078190683384260422004-03-01T19:24:00.000-06:002004-03-01T19:26:50.716-06:00tra la la. not much not much. had one job interview last friday, have another one wednesday. going to meetings twice a week. watching some TV but frankly rather bored with the old box. bleh. lifting weights with dedication; feeling the burn.
boooooooooooring. that's what things are at the moment. never heard back from biff. dropped my phone in the toilet, snapped off a connection tryingbipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1077494612977203482004-02-22T18:03:00.000-06:002004-02-22T18:05:32.543-06:00an interesting weekend. i stayed with allen&co. and got to see lots and lots of people.
friday, my parents and grandmother and i went to see "welcome to mooseport," which made me laugh out loud, which is supposed to be the best medicine. right? after that, i went over to my friends' apartment. the evening worked out to be a night of gentle bar-hopping followed by mucho bailando. i spotted bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1077240489609479192004-02-19T19:28:00.000-06:002004-02-19T19:30:06.013-06:00i am feeling much relieved. i told K that this is not a situation which is working out for me, and he is okay with that and everything is okay. everything is on hold indefinitely while i start living my life again. i am excited and a little nervous about the prospect of having actual dates with people instead of just having one date (or massive makeout session) followed by, say, a two-year bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1076996172492501602004-02-16T23:36:00.000-06:002004-02-16T23:38:06.013-06:00K had been missing since i posted last. gone for two weeks and no one knew where he had gone. i was tremendously worried, couldn't talk to my mom about it, and all i had was assorted pieces of third-hand transatlantic gossip. now he is back, from the place where he was, and he has news that will change his life forever. so. i guess he has given me an option, if i read the letter and our bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1076045370918655732004-02-05T23:29:00.000-06:002004-02-05T23:37:14.106-06:00i am really goofy lately. my current obsessions are the NY times crossword puzzle--done every day by noon or i receive no food. no. not really. but i usually have it done by noon if i get the mail myself. i time myself some days. and then if i can't sleep, i have a big book of 500 sunday puzzles. i've only finished 6 since i got the book in '99, but i'm picking up the slack... okay. bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1075603124973771552004-01-31T20:38:00.000-06:002004-01-31T21:00:44.110-06:00back from a week in a warmer climate. it was nice. but i feel all dissociated from reality. i would have observations, but....no.
oh, and tim: Economic Left/Right: -4.25 and Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -3.90
bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1074145417375118662004-01-14T23:43:00.000-06:002004-01-14T23:44:57.653-06:00bizarre: just today, i started getting spam from people using kenyon usernames. usernames of some of my friends as well as those of people i never once talked to. i wonder how that happened, exactly. of course i didn't open any of it, but seeing those familar groupings of letters certainly made me hesitate.
interesting books that i've seen pass through my refund counter: combustion bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1073708648443838882004-01-09T22:24:00.000-06:002004-01-09T22:27:26.013-06:00dear rooty-patootie, did you know that "good on you" is a quintessentially australian expression?
K and i watched this awesome film about a rather strange and little-publicized byproduct of the second world war. the UK, fearing that the nazis would somehow destroy or manipulate their scientists of jewish or other "minority" descent, sent said endangered scientists to camps in canada and bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1073540182776635352004-01-07T23:36:00.000-06:002004-01-07T23:38:13.560-06:00absorbing like crazy right now.
stuffing myself silly with TV: good eats, ER, CSI, jeopardy!, british murder mysteries like jonathan creek and wire in the blood.
gorging on books: borrowed from the public library are the new patricia cornwell, some john le carres and a book on how to use my new christmas wok. scanned voraciously at the university library were sleep and brain plasticity, bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1073020901889555482004-01-01T23:21:00.000-06:002004-01-01T23:23:36.186-06:00make it all happen NOW!
blah. life is like at a stuck-still pace here and yet i'm still not accomplishing anything but cleaning cleaning cleaning.
i've been sick for all of the holidays. the threat of world terrorism has really fucked up my personal life. and the US mail just isn't bringing me what i want to see.
anyway, happy 2004 to all of you.
probably nothing could be worse than this bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1072645495276348822003-12-28T15:04:00.000-06:002003-12-28T15:05:58.890-06:00december 15-21 i suffered from what i can only assume was the flu. i then felt well enough to take the GRE (on the 22nd) and do well. but then i made one of the worst misjudgments of my life by going out the evening of december 23. i won't divulge any details except to say that i haven't thought of the concept of sin so frequently in a few years as i have these last few days. *I* didn't even bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1072204427566954832003-12-23T12:33:00.000-06:002003-12-23T12:34:45.780-06:00i did well on my GRE. i feel very good. thanks to frantic math review, i even got a good score on my math portion, something i never ever thought i was capable of. so. good for me.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1071817748834691122003-12-19T01:09:00.000-06:002003-12-19T01:10:03.000-06:00i am a human being, soft and lovely.
i think all of my 2000 parts smell fine.
by fine i mean good.bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1071810466340857822003-12-18T23:07:00.000-06:002003-12-18T23:08:40.403-06:00something i am beginning to realize about myself is that i will put up with shit looooong past the point where it becomes intolerable.
and i am terrified, because i don't know how to NOT put up with shit.
especially when shit comes from someone i think i love, not that i would know, because i haven't even seen him in eight months.
not that i don't dish out my own kind of shit.
but not like bipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3446414.post-1070998433462493142003-12-09T13:33:00.000-06:002003-12-09T13:34:37.840-06:00ouch. i just read, for the first time since i graduated from the centre over a year ago, my tutor's opinion of my thesis.
i think maybe i'm not cut out for grad school. maybe i just can't write.
but on the other hand, i was going through some really crazy stuff when i was writing that thesis, what with Z and K and the moving out and all of that. hmmm.
maybe i just need more education. somebipolarityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11389729696881465630noreply@blogger.com0