having ladies over for dinner tonight. am usually so psyched for these little dinner parties, but about an hour ago, K and i had an instant-messenger-argument. he doesn't seem to want to spend any time communicating with me. he's there, i'm here, how fucking hard is it to spend some time writing an email or IMing? i understand that he's had a bad day, but the bad day was because he was having a crappy time at the pub and he would apparently rather have a crappy time at the pub and be two hours late to chat with me than skip the crappy time and go straight home. so i wait, all afternoon, on the internet, when i should be concentrating fully on cooking.

email was restored. must have been a small system glitch.

i was so happy, watching my TV and reading my books and making my food, and now i feel like serving people dinner and locking myself in my room to wallow, instead of eating with them. plus i've been drinking icelandic vodka and organic grapefruit soda, as if the exoticism somehow makes it better that i'm a bit drunk when my guests aren't even here yet. i even watched the second half of "the producers" and i *still* feel really upset. i try so hard, every day, to make this relationship amazing. and i don't know if it counts for anything.