i can't believe i'm doing it again.

i pack away envelopes of important papers, books i want to read and understand, photos of friends, items to be scrapbooked. non-perishable food i never consumed while at kenyon. shoe polish, desk supplies, tons of notebooks, trinkets and candies and perfume samples and everything with a memory, or at least amusement value.

and every time i come home, i say i will sort through it.

and this time was no exception. but the first time i really looked at any of it was an hour ago, and i've just emerged from the maze, feeling overwhelmed by wistful nostalgia....angry at myself for always procrastinating, never really organizing anything, never following through on a goddamned thing. i want to have all of it. i want to remember that i have all of it! so that i could maybe use it or something!

and now, NOW i am feeling pissed off that i thought i was going back to join K for maybe the rest of my life or something, and he wants me to go away for a while just as my greek class would be starting and i would be making money at work. and this shit is so upsetting and i am upset all the time because i don't have a fucking clue what's going on with anything. the end.

but wait, he's being really nice to me over instant messenger, so we'll see....