tonight, strange shit:

* i spent two hours after work with cute-boy-from-work. we smoked, drank some beer, and listened to music, and talked about all sorts of things. and i know that no matter what, i want to be his friend. i can totally switch off being attracted to him because i want to mentor this kid. he has so much fucking potential and i really like the way he thinks. so. i can do my best not to care about him, and i will keep my feelings supressed. i am self-disciplined.

* i am also extremely fucked up right now. tonight i went out with the girl i am training at work. around 10:30 pm, after i got done with [see above]. and so, hey, tonight i met someone who killed someone. in a car wreck. it wasn't even drunk driving, it was this guy being late for work and driving recklessly. and we sat in my car and drank beer and talked about his five years in prison and i just kept thinking that i couldn't even believe i was having that conversation. this time at home is being a real eye-opener for me. i overhear CNAs on their cigarette breaks, talking about their sons' drunk driving arrests and whatever else, their tanning beds or some such shit, and i can't even believe it. oh well. so i should go to bed now or something. let me proofread this first.