i am feeling much relieved. i told K that this is not a situation which is working out for me, and he is okay with that and everything is okay. everything is on hold indefinitely while i start living my life again. i am excited and a little nervous about the prospect of having actual dates with people instead of just having one date (or massive makeout session) followed by, say, a two-year relationship. or even a four-month relationship. that has been my modus operandi for my entire life. i don't know how to do anything else. scary! fun! whee! and K and i still love each other and neither of us seems to be overly hurt. so i think it's a good decision all around.

and anyway, i don't have time to worry about boys when i'm still trying to find a job. i am losing any semblance of focus: bank teller, pharmacy clerk, interior decorating...the jobs for which i am not qualified and yet for which i am applying are innumerable.

my dad went on anothe rmini-electronics binge. the last two nights i've spent trying in vain to help him install the surround sound. my parents keep telling me we have no money, but they keep buying things like this every so often, so i'm not really sure where we stand. i know where i stand, which is almost broke and unemployed, yet fed and housed in comfort.

jenby, email me your password, unless i am of the ilk you are trying to keep out of your diary.
madame-x, email me your new address. i have a little....um...something for you. tee hee. it's even stolen. [cash value 10 cents]

oh, and i am going to "meetings." court-ordered. the last hurdle to me driving again and finally being able to do things i want to do. i've forgotten what it's like to just drive to des moines or decide to get groceries or see a movie by myself. and maybe i can stop turning down invitations because i have no transportation.