friday i went to a blues club with kids from school. met up with nate and a boy i met last october, someone i'd texted with a few times since then....the kind of thing where you keep someone in the back of your mind in case circumstances are ever different, you know? circumstances are different now. :) so we really hit it off, although i don't know if it will lead anywhere.

i guess i broke up with J. it was a tearful process. he left 13 (!) voicemails while i was at the blues club. all of them drunk and sad and accusing. the next morning i actually listened to all thirteen of them, crying the whole time. went for brunch with clint and talked about what to do. rode the bus home for an hour and thought about what to do. for all that thinking, called him with no idea of what to say. there was nothing conclusive in our words, but from the way he ended the conversation so abruptly i'm pretty sure that's it. i just wish there could be something in between....why can't he be flexible? it doesn't have to be lovey-boyfriend-girlfriend vs. never talking again. but i think that's the way he sees it. time will tell.

so, i got off the bus, showered, broke up with J, called my mom and sobbed, got dressed, and went to the ani difranco concert with three other kids from my program. it was great, but....i was exhausted and teary-eyed and we were approximately half a mile from the stage, mostly in a vertical direction. i'm not scared of heights normally but that really made me panic. the rows of seats were set at about 60 degrees, or that's how it felt. scary.

i still sometimes feel like i don't really fit in with the other kids. they're starting to talk about living together next year and everything....but i have to think more about work than about my social life at this point. especially since i've had two or three completely non-productive weekends in a row.