yay, finally sold something on amazon. found a nice little uptick in my checking account this morning, and now i'm off to the post office to mail the videos.

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i go to school, i write exams
if i pass, if i fail, if i drop out
does anyone give a damn?
and if they do, they'll soon forget
'cause it won't take much for me
to show my life ain't over yet

i didn't get into the PhD program. i found out just before i had to go to work, and there was a party afterwards...i spent two hours thinking about it at work, and i talked to mom and mike, and i felt...okay. really sad. but okay. i went to the party even though i was worried people would ask me about the outcome (everyone was sure to, especially nervous first-year MAs). sure enough, the first person i saw when i got through the door was this guy i don't like who asked me if i got in or not. i swallowed hard and said no. he then told me that almost no one else got in either, including several friends i consider much brighter and more disciplined than myself/i (never sure how to use the pronoun there).

so, the rest of the party was very comforting. i talked to everyone about their opinions, and got some intel that the outside candidates this year were basically fucking brilliant and blew all the internal candidates away. so. what can i do about that? it's not personal. and after almost a week of the five stages of (gentle) grief, i'm pretty good. i've already started researching jobs. thinking of moving to a less expensive area of the city than hyde park...somewhere closer to my friends, restaurants/bars, bookstores, etc. somewhere closer to potential jobs! i also talked to someone at the party about $$$. she said she and her husband both have two jobs now and are still hemorrhaging money. i'm glad that's not just me either. i feel like a real loser when i have to call home for a check just so i can make rent/bills. sigh.