hi. i have been terminated. without explanation. from a job to which i devoted myself with passion and joy. no one knows why, except the HR director who fired me. my manager can't understand why, my co-workers can't understand why, my parents can't understand why, and i also have no earthly idea why. i put the nursing home residents first. always. i made the best food i could with the resources i was given. i was intelligent enough to understand the different types of special diets without special training. i called in sick only twice in over six months of work, i was never tardy, i didn't abuse break time, i never stole. a few pranks here and there, sure, and some loud music, but i made people happy every day at work. so i think it's a good idea i already have a lawyer on retainer, because i smell wrongful termination.

did i mention that bryon was fired, too? and that they needn't have bothered, because it was his last week there anyway?

so something is going on. something that was fueled by rumour and went straight to the top. when my direct supervisor never gave me a written or verbal warning, and had nothing but confidence in my ability to handle the kitchen and its employees by myself....well. i don't know who or what is behind it. but i will be okay.

i lost my job yesterday. i lose my driver's license tomorrow. i'm sure that i'll wreck my pickup truck and my dog will get run over and my wife will run away with the milkman. seriously, i'm living the country-western song lifestyle here.

you know what, though? except for the few tears i cried when the shock finally wore off, i'm okay. i really am. and i guess that strengthens my conviction that whatever is wrong with me is biochemical. i can have something minor happen to me and it makes me contemplate death...but disaster has certainly hit now, and all i can feel is that i'll work it out somehow.

i'm sure going to miss the people, though. my co-workers (90% of them were just outstanding people) and the residents...oh, the residents. so sweet, so interesting, just looking for a little company. the residents and my high school boys kept me going every day.

maybe god's trying to tell me to hurry the hell up and get out of here while i'm still able.

***

but you know what? friends are really good. friends who mysteriously send gifts designed to entertain me and make me laugh are the best. okay, i have NO idea who sent me the sweet valley saga book. but know this: in my second day of unemployment, i am halfway through the novel. in my first day of unemployment i picked up my stuff from work and confronted the smarmy guy who fired me (to no avail) and then spent the rest of the day drunk, then high, then sober, then blissfully asleep. but TODAY i have been immersed in recreational cooking and sweet valley yum.

also, friends who randomly send me beautiful emails are the best. and friends who sign my guestbook. and friends who remember me even though we haven't spoken in years. anytime i feel bad about myself i should remember that true friends never forget.