the manager at my local panera looks just like phil mitchell.

met a bunch of new people today so i feel really tired. i'm thinking about going to a lecture tonight but i half don't have the energy for another trip to town. why do i live so far from civilization?

last weekend i was, and actually still am to a lesser extent, feeling really down. this thing with K is eating away at me. i recognize how i deal with problems--at first, a blessedly numb state of shock followed by the jumble of emotions--so i'm not surprised that it's all hitting me now, but that doesn't make it much easier.

i wish i lived by myself again so that i had the space to feel what i want to feel. living with my parents (well, with my mom) means that i can't even let my emotions show unless i want her to try to talk to me and try to make me feel better, and i don't want anyone doing that. i want to do it on my own. i want to sit around unwashed and undressed eating ben and jerry's and drinking beer and watching stupid movies.

ha! that's actually a pretty funny mental picture. i wonder what my parents would do if they came home and i was sitting naked in front of the TV on our living room floor with a 40, a bong, and a pint of chubby hubby. i honestly can't picture their reaction. probably they'd tell me not to smoke in the house. and then they would tell me that they love me and are here for me no matter what.

yeah, being loved is such a burden. not. okay. now it's time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself.

oh, i think i have a job! that's a good thing.