things going on:

* i work mornings in a vegetarian kitchen, cleaning massively and prepping loads of vegetables and occasionally making some of the food served in our vegetarian-ish, all-organic sandwich bar. i work for a completely mad family and i am constantly entertained by them. florid blustering father. birdlike mother, an odd lady but nice. four cute sons, one of whom i work for, a little jamie oliver-type. we are tentatively discussing developing a line of chutneys, pickles, and other preserves to be distributed locally. i LOVE work and it is the only thing in my life which is constant, certain, and always cheering.

* K and i are still. still everything.

* i don't have many friends, really. the people i like: "columbo." (nicknames to protect the innocent here; i've learned my lesson. columbo thinks he is, well, peter falk. obsessive film buff and a bit of a 'pratley' but very sweet.) "frank," an attorney who is very nice but hits on me when drunk. can't say i mind overly much, but it does make me feel a bit slimy. tamara, from last year. and lastly, a guy K and i might live with, whom i shall call "adam." god, i'm so original.

* i have little music here. and now that the weather is non-oppressive, i wish i had something more to listen to than the 10 CDs i left here.

* i am seeking professional help. i think i need it. i just have fucked-up dreams all the time, and cry for no reason, and wish i could sleep.

* my mother's new shop is opening soon.

* i am very worried all the time, about everything. and i smoke too much. and i miss all my real friends.

i leave for england in less than twenty-four hours. tomorrow i will spend with darling alissa up in the twin cities, then i fly to toronto, then to london. then i will be with K and we shall see how it goes. wish me luck & safety...

lucky to have spent time today with jennylee, allen, brad, my parents, my grandma, aunt/uncle/cousins...and friday night i got to spend time with a bunch of people including jennylee, natalie, matty, brad, clint, etc etc etc.

and picked up my tomato-picking check. yee-haw, money!

i am trying really hard. i am waiting for the last minute. i am okay, i think.