orientation week for graduate school is so different from orientation week for college. college freshmen travel everywhere in herds. we grad students are all on our own and confident enough so that's not a problem. college freshmen are too young to drink so they have to wait for upperclassmen to show up and bring them alcohol. the school-sponsored orientation week events here have a rather boozecentric feel to them. (no, really, you cannot imagine the array of alcohol my program sets out for us. i guess it's to ensure we all make friends quickly.)

tuesday was the university-wide orientation. after short talks from the president, some deans, a local politician or two, a doctor and a psychiatrist, they opened up the pub for free beer/wine/soda. at 2:30 in the afternoon. i met some really fun people: alex, ben, brent, amanda, and toni. all different areas of study and all different backgrounds. after the free beer was over we all went out for pizza and then to ben's apartment. good fun.

yesterday was the orientation for my program. yay. that's all i can say. professors are wonderful and i love them. my advisor is adorable in a teutonic sort of way. i'm so excited to register for classes, which i can do on the internet from my apartment. (actually that's what i should be doing instead of blogging.) in the afternoon/evening there was a reception with aforementioned mind-boggling array of top-shelf liquor, beer, wine, etc. and a thai buffet. apparently it's always thai.

tonight the program is taking us to a tapas bar, not a topless bar, on the north side. afterwards i am invited to a party at brent's place, also up north. what a happy coincidence. :)

i am so glad to start classes on monday. all the dead time of last week has ceased to be relaxing. oh, also, i have at least one work-study job, if not two. yay!

i guess i'm as much of a fuckup here as i am anywhere.

i don't know why i sometimes go off the deep end and push boundaries and take risks. i don't know why i do it but i wish i didn't, and i wish people didn't think it was representative of me.

i feel really homesick today. and very, very lonely. i could have gone clubbing last night with nate but i didn't want to spend the time and money and i definitely knew i shouldn't go out drinking so i stayed home and watched movies about people who fall in love. last night those movies charmed me but today i am just angry that i can't be with J. i am angry that i showed my weakness to other people. i am just pissed off in general, i guess. and i got a haircut that may or may not be good and today i feel positively ugly.

maybe if i spend today productively i can eradicate those bad feelings. i kind of want to just go back to bed though. for a couple of days.

good things that happened yesterday, though: i spent the night at clint's and ate at IHOP twice. ran into three girls from kenyon there! talked to sylvia on the phone for an hour. navigated the bus system with no problems thanks to last fall's sojourn in downtown chicago. got my internet, phone, newspaper subscription, and video rental card all lined up.

i am in chicago. i really like my apartment and my neighborhood. there are all kinds of interesting places to eat and shop and walk. i've been out with dave and jen a couple times, and last night nate came over and we had a fantastic time. hope to see clint soon, and all the rest. and i can't wait to start exploring! for the past few days, though, i've just been settling in. keeping quiet. resting from last week and resting up for the next.

i guess frank broke up with me. by email. but i feel okay about that, since in the month he didn't call i managed to find someone special, someone who makes me really happy--J. it's too bad that i found him back in iowa, just as i was about to move, but i feel that he is such a stable and good person that it makes me happy just to know that he cares about me.

actually, in a way it's a relief, since i don't have to explain to frank that i've met someone here. but it makes me sad to think we won't be close anymore. maybe i'll write to him in a couple weeks.

i should have been blogging in those last couple weeks before i moved, but i was so caught up with J and packing and doing the social rounds and enjoying my last days at home. there would have been some very, very interesting posts. but i'll just say that it was fun. last days anywhere are always the same--no sleep, too much beer and too little food, seeing things for the last time.

anyway, i'll be back home soon enough. :)