last week i had a surprise phone call from uri and an expected phone call from madame_x. both made my week even that much more awesome. also good: i got a letter from J today.

i often feel bad about my elitism. i have a boyfriend who writes like a high-schooler. and how should i feel when i notice spelling errors, or shitty handwriting? i don't know. the sentiment, however, is never anything but the most noble. he is like a rock. it's amazing to me. i knew i loved him the day he said, "nothing you could tell me would shock me." so i think a lack of education pales beside the simple goodness of his heart. nonetheless, i do want to whip out a red pen from time to time.

speaking of time and red pens, it's time for me to get cracking on papers. NOTE: these papers are not due until december. at kenyon i would actually have waited until december. but here, i feel like getting a fresh clean head start. like preempting the freakiness. just like i started packing for here months before i had to move. i'm done with all that fucking procrastination and accompanying panic. done. i think.

funny thing: i have a page from last sunday's comics and i still can't decide which to cut out: the "get fuzzy" referencing noah's ark or (on the opposite side) the classic "peanuts" discussing the tone of the prophet isaiah. now really, how often are there two hebrew bible references in the sunday comics??? of course, the peanuts strip also has charlie brown falling for lucy's football trick once again....

i feel like i'm getting know people in my program on a superficial basis, finally. i am going to try to go more events. i just feel like staying home and studying and watching TV all the time.

today was a brilliant exception, as is every day i spend with nate. we saw a different part of the neighborhood than i knew last time, before classes had started. we walked my route to campus, had lunch, took a tour of a frank lloyd wright house, saw my workplace and class-place, and walked around the historical jackson park. then we chilled at my apartment and it was great fun listening to music and looking at pictures. yay! someday nate will kill me by walking. awesome.

now i have made peanut sauce, and soon i will make noodles, broccoli, and tofu to go with it.

i miss england terribly tonight. i am listening to the MP3s i ripped from tamara, spice girls and fatboy slim and the rest. i am listening to hefner. i cry, i want my things back, i wish i had done things differently, i wish i could still be there. i want to see the pub and ask the people there why they never told me K was screwing me over. i really, really want my things back. my greek dictionary! my hebrew bible! my perfume!

i have started going to chapel on wednesdays. it's good and progressive. we pray for god to give us anger and tears to fight social injustice. things like that. last wednesday my advisor sat behind me. i have a tiny crush on him.

it's so weird for me to see professors that look like K and to remember i have lived with a man of their age and education. how strange.

i talked to frank after he broke up with me, and everything with him was the same, and i was angry and yelling. he feels the same way about me as he always has, and i have emotions that have changed and grown and changed again. it was also disconcerting. he mailed me a book about richard j. daley, so that i may know about the more corrupt era of chicago's government.

i say "more" because it's apparently still corrupt.

tim, do you think that hefner's "i stole a bride" is about helen of troy?

oh shit, it is. i just looked at the bloody website myself.

so much to say, so little motivation to post. i think i'll skim the highlights and lowlights of the past couple weeks.

the bad, briefly:

*it seems that i have somehow alienated myself from a couple of friends. i don't know how or why.

*i am probably spending too much money lately--must try to get up earlier so i can pack a lunch instead of blowing 8 bucks a day on thai, no matter how yummy.

*i am exhausted all the time and haven't been out although people are inviting me places. okay, one person. but he's cool.

the good, in more detail:

*most of my classes are fascinating. even those classes that drag on and on have interesting readings. i don't feel overwhelmed yet.

*i have cable! kick ass. this might also be why i don't go out at all. but hey, jon stewart. and two episodes of CSI every day. neat.

*i had a randomly fun night out the saturday before classes began, a couple of weeks ago. nate brought me along to a stranger's birthday dinner followed by a crowded bar. but the people i talked to the whole night, none of whom was the birthday girl, were thoughtful, fun, extremely cute and unfortunately taken. one of them wasn't tired at 2 am when the bar closed, and neither was i, so we went to a blues club until 5 in the morning. oh my god was that good. i love the blues, and a CD or two can't give me a tenth of the pleasure of going to a club. also, one of the employees memorized my phone number and called me a week later, which was a nice little self-image booster. :)

*unlike kenyon or oxford, i am actually paying attention to my studies. it feels different. and good. healthy.

*i walk to campus and back. that's 45 minutes of walking a day. i am feeling good. also healthy.

*i have a work-study job that i like just fine, at the oriental institute.

*speaking of healthy: GOD i love being on a campus again. the gothic buildings, the variety of people to watch, running into acquaintances, the sun through increasingly golden leaves, being the first one up (why do language classes insist on 8 a.m.? they did this at kenyon too.), feeling connected to something even though i am also feeling pleased with my solitude....yes. good.