work. good mood, having fun. criticism from some 21-yr-old. i cry, sulk, finish out the day. chinese food with my parents and friends. good time. drive, cruise, see a boy from last summer. get to where i'm going. good time. sitting on a car listening to bob marley. plastic cup costs 15 cents. meet girls in the park. one of them lost her baby, so she's drinking. move on to our destination. erin and i are friends now, and i tell her all about the bad times. frank has called so i'm ecstatic. we go home. boys there; stupid. i rest , go to the valu-mart, rest, drive home. taerful conversations with mom. i watch stars; am fcked up.

yesterday i was weepy at work, so erin came back to pick me up when my shift was over to do a little gravel travel, you know, to cheer me up. that was really, really nice. it inspired me to go for a little hike on my way home--i just pulled into a state park, got out of my car, hiked up a hill and back down, and then slowly cruised around the park enjoying nature. i saw a herd of 12 deer grazing together.

the other night had a delicious dinner with clint at our favorite restaurant: a cocktail on the front sidewalk. asparagus, tarragon cream, manchego and breadcrumbs gratineed. hummus plate with grilled pita bread (to die for--no exaggeration). white wine. creme brulee and port. yum.

not much else has been going on. i didn't get many hours for these next couple of weeks so maybe i'll get myself organized. my room is a disaster. i need to cram some hebrew back into my head. i should start packing or SOMETHING. just so i don't go crazy at the last minute.

two nights ago a friend from work called, stuck in my tiny hometown, drunk, and her asshole boyfriend had taken her car keys and also had slammed the car into park while she was driving. i went over there, dealt with her boyfriend, and took her home to sleep on my couch. my parents were not thrilled with this, but...i felt like i was really doing something. sometimes lately i have been so glad to be moving away from these people and into a place where i feel normal--i hope grad school will bring me the same happiness and memorable moments that i experienced at kenyon. only in a more mature way, you know. i don't want to relive college but i need to be somewhere new. not here, not oxford, just somewhere else.

yesterday this same work-friend and her friend (whom i don't think i like very much) and i bought a case of beer and went hiking and swimming at a state park. first we went to this huge cliff overlooking a lake and watched the sun and clouds. then we tried to find the swimming place, but we got her car stuck in extremely deep and stinky mud from all the rain we had last week. the three of us couldn't move the car, and all these people were slowing down on the road to watch us calf-deep in the slime. then two cars full of vietnamese guys came all the way down into the hollow to push the car, and they wouldn't accept any beer or money or anything. we took their picture though. then we walked all the way down the creek, barefoot on the rocks, pulling this huge cooler on wheels. we were sitting in the shallow water while a storm came up--yellow-gray sky and this really sharp prickly rain. it was so beautiful. we headed home when it got dark. things got a little hazy after that, but it was basically being at her house and trying to find people to come hang out with us and drinking a lot. allen and clint came over, that was odd but nice.

this morning i woke up at 6 on the friend's couch and drove home. i slept for two hours and then dropped off a cheesecake at a bake-off. yes, i am a huge dork. but this is in my little town and i really don't associate much with the town at all, so mom is really happy i decided to do this. i won a prize, too. it was a huge basket with a bag each of flour, sugar, and brown sugar; a box of graham cracker crumbs; candy; a strawberry cheesecake candle; some spatula and strainer type tools; a gift certificate for ice cream; some little cookbooks; and some other stuff i can't remember right now. so that was fun. then i went back home, slept, and went back into town to work at the shop a little.

tonight i am going to bed early. oof. i am getting older. i hurt all over from working, walking on rocks, too much partying...got to start taking it easy. heh.

the boy from work called last night at ten to see if i was in town. er. and then he made some odd joke about me staying over there and he wouldn't touch me and it would be like brother and sister. anyway. i think i might avoid this situation more now. or maybe less, and then much more. tee hee.

frank has been out of town for two weeks now on business. i really miss talking to him. i feel like i need some support.

i have to remember that all i can do right now is make and save as much money as i can. it's all for chicago, and the only other thing i can do is try to enjoy the summer, and it will pass in no time. i really want to spend more time with friends who inspire me and build me up.

memorial day with clint and matty et al was so nice. cooking with matty and his sexy knives and just hanging out was so good for me. get this: i played frisbee. like, with running, and everything. and i was shirtless for part of it. kind of weird for me to remember how self-conscious i've always been. i was telling erin today that i am so much more confident than i was in high school, and i would say i'm even more confident than i was in college. i still have the "committee"--that team of inner voices that usually tell me everyone hates me. but now the committee has several members that tell the negative ones to shut the hell up. i can feel more, now, how glad i am that i have had the opportunities and challenges i've had.

enough. back to that last episode on "the office: season one."