long time, no post.

i have been through a couple jobs since i last posted.

tears, joy, everything.

now i am at an all-vegetarian place and that is so much better for me. the people are much nicer and i'm not under the microscope anymore.

my relationship is falling apart and it's not my fault (for once). M just doesn't give a shit about me, apparently.

there is another boy who loves me and wants to be with me but he is A) insane B) alcoholic C) non-English-speaking, and D) married. i try to avoid him, easier now that we don't work together, but he calls with different numbers so i never answer if i don't recognize the number. but he knows where i live and i am nervous.

otherwise, not to be depressing, but i basically have no friends except my TV and i don't even get cable anymore. Busch Light is my best friend...and the only thing that makes me happy is working. because i have nothing else interesting to do. in the third-largest city in america. pathetic.

i'm sorry i haven't posted in so very long.

updates:

my job is still wonderful, but now fraught with all kinds of drama and in-fighting. i think the roots of the problems are that we expanded the business too fast and have a lot of employees working together in a small space. add into that our propensity for gossip and, forgive me, the white person's tendency towards passive-aggressiveness. we bitch and moan a lot about each other, in hallways and on smoke breaks, and even in the same room at a whisper. that said, i still love everyone at work so much and i feel almost a family connection to them. that said...(yes, again)

for financial reasons i decided to find a second job. my new job is working for one of the largest food stores in chicago. i work in a refrigerated kitchen, so it's usually around 45 degrees in there. i occasionally go out and warm my hands over the pasta kettle. i've only worked there a week. so far, everyone seems really friendly, funny, and yet still professional. i make a little less than at the other job, but i am hoping to maximize my earnings through some clever scheduling. i start at 7 am and need to be on the bus by 6:15, so right now i'm feeling pretty sleepy...

other updates will probably be forthcoming. i think.

mark twain said he could live a month on a good compliment. i think that's true. today i got the raise i had been planning to ask for. i know my boss is tight, and i know i must have had two lovely ladies batting for me to just get it like that. they went out on their own to ask him on my behalf. wow. so after i got the good news, a while later one of them, my supervisor, walked by me and said, "by the way, it's more than deserved." ooh! yay! i kick kitchen ass.

tell you more, you clamor!

work is good. i really enjoy most of what i have to do, so the days kind of fly by. i do a little bit of everything, which is just how i like it. i prep recipes for classes (portioning out the ingredients each team of students will need), i cook for catering events like b-day parties and weddings, i clean/organize the kitchen and storage, and i assist the chefs when they are teaching. that involves just making sure each student has what he or she needs. utensils, drinks (water for everyone, booze for some of the grownups--there's a cash bar for evening classes), extra ingredients, or some helpful advice. i like most of my co-workers a lot. of course, there's always that one person who grates on everyone else, but almost everyone is smart and funny and great to work with. NOT like the nursing home kitchens at all! :) i have gotten lots of positive comments from my supervisors.

however, my kick-ass performance has been tarnished somewhat by being late several times due to missing my train. the train only leaves once an hour, so when i miss it by a few minutes, i am really screwed. once, two weeks ago, i knocked on the closed doors of the train 1 minute before the scheduled departure and the conductor just shrugged. apparently there was nothing he could do about it. i cried like a little girl, hoping he would take pity. when he didn't, well....it had been a really bad day already and i was at the breaking point. i started screaming obscenities. realizing i would probably be arrested if i kept it up, i retreated to the bathroom to sob, and subsequently to an outdoor patio bar for a bloody mary and a good think. was i losing it?

for a few days i wasn't really eating or sleeping very much, and i actually got quite sick after the grand opening of the new store. i had cooked for about 12 hours, barely ate, and then decided that i sure would like to join the rest of the staff in a few drinks. i was so sick for two days. now i am more confident in just leaving work for a few minutes to sit and eat something, and i've really upped my water intake. i don't have official "break times" and so i'm like a little hamster that just keeps going around and around.

it's kind of weird there because i don't even have specific hours scheduled. i get "AM" or "PM" and then i just have to talk to people to see when everyone else is planning to get there. also, there's never been any kind of orientation for new employees. i know what i'm doing, but the new people don't know all the principles of sanitation, and i've been trying to get the chaos under control rather single-handedly.

i am hoping to move much closer to the train. getting from home to the train is the daily olympic challenge. since sprinting up elevators sucks, i am going to close now. i hope this update was interesting. ;)

i just got a job! i will be an assistant at a cooking school (how perfect is that?). it's kind of a long commute, but i think i'll look forward to having some quiet time to read a book or listen to my music, which i don't like to do while walking for safety reasons. i knew the interview went well but it took them 2 weeks to call so i was starting to lose hope.

i just went back to iowa for a few days. it was for the funeral of someone i loved very much, and it was sad for that reason. but it was also relaxing, and i got to spend much more time with my parents than i did graduation weekend. also, it gave me a chance to break the unhealthy beer-swilling-staying-up-too-late-and-watching-crap-TV cycle i've been in.

graduation was great but exhausting and emotional. my grandma, aunt and uncle, parents, boyfriend, and two closest friends and i went to dinner and it was delicious. i finally got to eat at green zebra the next night, with mike, mom, and dad.

the reunion was great. but...it was all a blur. completely. not enough time to see everyone, pulled in a lot of directions. the absolute highlight was when mike and i spent the afternoon with my dearest favorite professor and his wife. they are the most genuine, gentle, wonderful people, and it was the most time i've ever spent there (when i wasn't there for a classics party). we got to see books and art and we talked about all kinds of things, and went for a drive, and it was so comforting.

it was so amazing to see all of my friends again! sylvia, jess, jessica, meghaan, and all kinds of people. i felt like talking to everyone--although some people didn't want me to talk to other people. but i didn't care, because i was just really glad to be back and glad to see everyone, even people i have bad memories of or who probably have bad memories of me. i had a lot of fun. i think i consumed a bit too much free beer, which contributed to the blur. also i wish i had taken a couple more naps or something, because i went to bed way too early saturday night and missed the peeps lounge goings-on. :(

well, i must wrap up for now, although i have more about which to reminisce. (my god, gambier. i miss it so much.) i am entertaining two young ladies this afternoon and they are getting restless.

"sexy baby and bad erection?"

now THERE is a subject line that would almost make me open a spam email. of course, it's probably because when i read it i thought of "sexy babay" and jen and jess saying it and making me laugh. also of the time when everyone at a party i was at stopped talking suddenly and i was still talking really loudly and everyone heard me say, "don't have sex with dead babies!" and i still don't remember what that conversation was about.

still processing reunion.

i have tickets to columbus. i have rented a car. i have not done anything else to prepare.

i am selling baked goods at the theatre where i work. hope i make some quick cash off them...

on monday, i inadvertently became part of the gigantic mass of people demonstrating in downtown chicago for immigrant rights. see, the el stop i needed to use was closed...and the alternative entrance was across the street where the march was taking place. i can't describe how it felt--i mean other than the fact that i felt like a jerk for basically budging my way *across* a parade, of all things--the second i got off the bus downtown and i could hear thousands and thousands of people chanting...i have never in my life seen or heard so many people together. in person. i've seen it on TV. but this felt so amazing and powerful. it genuinely made me weepy.

i got a free haircut off craigslist and i like it. i like it better than the last one i got, which made me look too much like a boy.

i am so excited about the reunion i feel all giggly and silly inside.

i hate school, which i would legitimately be able to do if i were more involved with it. but i'm not, so here i am hating something i barely participate in. not entitled am i.

wow, sorry about the long-time-no-post. gotta make this quick, too.

i just read all of the messages you guys have been posting. yay! i just registered last night right after reading all of them. i will be bringing mike, and i requested to be housed near y'all too. yay yay yay yay yay.

in other news, fighting sucks and i hate it and i am pissed off today.

bleh.

okay, fans, enough!

i will be at the reunion. i don't know how i will get there yet, though. i plan to stay in the dorms, too. yay!

but now i can't decide whether to bring the boyfriend or not. hmmm.